the work

The image above is an A-Z of each intervention/treatment/medication I’ve had over the last eight years…..I was shocked to count 55, and there were only about 3 letters which I could not place a treatment next to, and the money? God, I’ve probably spent the equivalent of a deposit for a flat on my health. Hence I shall be renting for an eternity. It’s kind of sobering to see how desperate I have been to find a ‘cure’ for this thing, and I’ve mostly been chasing my tail. If I’m still banging on about some new thing or another in a year or two will someone whoop my ass please because it has to stop here, I need to accept this is where I am at now and work with the pain, not against it.

Having said that, this section is about some of my explorations over the last year or two as those are the ones that have caused the most significant changes for me. And frankly they are mostly to do with psychology rather than ‘physical’ interventions or pain meds….although I will say exercise is key, from day one I have exercised daily and will continue to do so, it is a constant and a very important foundation for everything else I now do, but perhaps more about that in another post. Cognitive science and mindfulness practise have been my area of focus for the last two years.

A bit of a breakdown (see “a beginning” post) made me really take a very close look at what was going on for me in my head. During a really severe relapse I started to read “The Brain that Changes Itself” by Norman Doidge, it was about neuroplasticity, and was a game changer for me, suddenly made me realise I could change my brain by using my mind. A recent course of CBT has helped me structure this but it’s a long hard road, two years on and I’m still wading through what feels like Thames mud at times, but I know I’m a very different person. It takes guts and real commitment to take such a deep dark look at what’s going on, much digging, many uncomfortable and painful realisations but hell, it feels good to pull that shit up by it’s roots. So, this section is about that process, where I’m at, how I got started, what I have found helpful and worthwhile to my progress. And it’s called “the work” cos it is, really bloody hard work all this: physical exercise, psychological exercises, not letting up on a brain that wants to take you back to a default ‘pain’ position all the time is a constant battle. But it’s paying off, that’s all the incentive I need.

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